Sorry I don't update much anymore.

Oh yes,  today I listened to one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard...well easily in the top 5.

It's a Celtic song written by the composer Turlough O' Carolan. The song is called "Carolan's Farewell to Music." He was born in 1670 and became blind when he was 18, but started taking harp lessons that same year. When he was 68 years old he knew he was about ready to die...so he traveled to the home where he grew up because he wanted to die there. While he was traveling he composed this song. When he got to the house he called for his harp to be brought to him and played it for the woman who raised him...and then proceded upstairs to die in bed.

The song is as beautiful as the story.

hear you me,

nikki

yes it's been awhile.

there's a number of thoughts going through my head, and I can't think of any way to explain them. All I can say is i've become increasingly aware over the past few weeks of the people in the world. Good, bad, in whatever way you want to think of it. I've also become increasingly aware (mostly just this weekend) of my own little world. I've spend alot of time by myself the past couple of weekends and I don't like it much. I mean come on I'm with myself 24-7 as it is...

Being alone freaks me out, as you can tell in the last entry. The only way you can spend time with yourself is to separate yourself into two different people. Thoughts are a conversation with yourself, conversations require two or more people. What if I get stuck this way! To me that's a scary thought.

But when I'm occupied...for instance when I'm reading, or painting, or playing the harp, or listening to music...it's different. Because the thoughts are focused on something...it's easier to keep sane.

Speaking of painting...it's a new hobby of mine. So far I have 3 paintings to my name. Mr. Stevens has them all. He seemed to like them... But anyways I don't know yet if I like drawing better or painting better. I like painting because you get to work with color and it creates another vehicle to express emotion...rather than just the facial expressions of the person you are drawing or the softness or harshness or darkness of the pencil marks, color gives you another dimension of emotion to play with. However, I'm not good enough at painting to make alot of detail...it seems that when I draw I'm better at details...or making the person look more realistic. But I'm not so good at drawing or painting landscapes...plus rarely do I like artwork with just landscape or whatnot.

how's that for an update shelly!

hear you me,

nikki

A really scary and strange feeling is when you feel awkward around yourself.  When for the first time you realize that you are the only person in history like yourself. When you realize that there is a whole universe inside your mind that you have complete control over. And you realize that you are all alone inside of it.

I don't mean that in a sad way like, "awww i'm all alone...waaaa "  I just mean that it is the strangest feeling. You feel awkward alone like you would alone with someone you don't know very well.

Just try splitting your mind into two parts. One to act as a separate person and one to act as yourself, then you'll understand what i mean.

hear you me,

nikki

here are some old photos that i scanned and fixed up a bit...i like them alot.

this is my dad's dad...Anthony Rotunda...i'm not sure of the date of this photo. isn't he a cool cat... hah...i LOVE this photo.

One of these guys...i think the one sitting down...is my mom's grandfather. They're all construction guys. This was like the original color of the photo, but i had to turn it to black and white then to this color because of the blotches of color all over, and i cropped it, but i cropped all of them. the next photo is the same guys. Both were taken in 1922.

this is my mom. she was a life guard. i really like this photo because the pose is perfect and it's even better because i'm sure she wasn't posing. this photo was damaged. it had little white dots all over the bottom part, but i removed them...that's all i did to it besides crop it. I wanted to remove the huge yellow spot in the lower right corner but didn't know how.

something is wrong.

hear you me no school ever!

nikki